The HSG Test

March 16. 2009 by admin.

I felt lost.

We moved on to Texas, our new duty station, year 4 . I held true to my promise of getting stuff figured out. I was so nervous to take that first step, to make the appointment.

I was sent to an OBGYN. Not what I was thinking at first. Our first meeting was “together”. Her, hubby & me. She asked us a lot of questions and we had to fill out a paper with past histories and such.

She wanted another SA for hubby and she immediately put me on clomid without knowing anything. She figured it could not hurt anything, and maybe that was all we needed.

There was hope again.

She then set me up for a Hysterosalpingogram (HSG) test. I knew nothing about this and quickly asked the Internets what this was! I was not happy with what I found.

What I found were a ton of horror stories! Pain, suffering. I panicked. I could have ended it there by going off of that. I don’t think I have mentioned yet that I am a huge baby, me & pain do not go together well.

I went anyways. I do not want to scare anyone else off by my experience with this test, so I am not going to go into much detail. I can tell you that when I think back to it, I can feel the pain all over again. I try not to think of it.

It might have been the old man, my nerves, my organs. I don’t know. I looked for any kind of positive sign from him when it was all over. All I got was that he thought one of the tubes might be a little open, but he was not sure right then.

I felt the sadness creep in. As I went into the bathroom to get dressed, I cried, I cried hard.

I do believe I cried most of the way home, hubby tried to console me but it was a deep sadness. What did we know yet though, not much, but I lost some hope that day.

I was told that when the results were in, I’d get a phone call. I was assuming this phone call would come from my OBGYN, with a follow up appointment behind it.

Oh, I did get my phone call. From my OBGYN’s assistant. This is what she told me on the phone ” I’m sorry, but you can’t get pregnant, your tubes are fully blocked”. Then she said they had a packet for me to come & get because they could not longer help me with fertility stuff.

WTF! I felt so many things at that moment, all of it seemed like I was doomed, never to have a child. She was so cold and distant. She might as well have just sent me a letter & the packet. Heck, thinking back it would not have surprised me if they had said nothing at all.

So that was it. YOU CAN NOT GET PREGNANT . I don’t like looking at that. It was so painful. I cried buckets I remember. Again hubby tried to console, infertility pain & suffering is something that is so hard to touch and “make better”.

I stopped taking phone calls for over 2 weeks. I would not even talk to my mother and I talk to her daily. I just did not want to think about it, talk about it. I mean what was left to talk about, she told me it was over.

O-V-E-R…

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