June 1. 2009 by admin.

I know it might sound really weird or odd but today I feel at peace with my infertility. Even if it is only for a short time. No, I am not giving up or giving in.

My husband is leaving this week for 6 months over seas, in a way this is what is freeing me and making me at peace with my infertility, for now. As there really is nothing that can be done, especially by myself.

So even though I am beside myself over my husband leaving and so sad, there is some emotional relief at least with IF.

Sorry I do not blog here often, the situation is at a point right now where we can’t do anything anyways and we have to wait, how long? I don’t know exactly. It could be about 2 years or maybe more.

Right now we are trying to figure out what is our next step, if we should continue down the road we have been taking, or go off on a different one.

I will blog here when the need arises and pertains to Infertility as this is the sole reason for this blog. So please bare with me as there will be long stretches of silence on this blog. I do hope one day in the future, that it will be bustling daily with updates on what we are doing to become parents.

Posted in Money, IVF, Infertility | 1 Comment »

May 13. 2009 by admin.

I am all to painfully aware of my infertility, almost 8 years is not a short walk in the park at all. On May 2nd, Daniel & I attended an Infertility Awareness Conference in our area.

Let me just say that infertility does not plague just one “type” of person, male or female, it does not care, it is willing to ruin anyone’s lives.

When it was time for the first speaker, I looked around. Every table was full. There were young couples as well as some much older couples.

The announcer person said loud into the microphone “I am so glad to see such a great turnout this year”. This very statement made me so sad, mad & made me feel sick.

How can one be “glad” to see 300 couples in one room, broken from something so painful.

I must say we got a lot of information that day, some things we knew about, other things that sounded hopeful.

All the Infertility doctors that spoke that day had all kinds of wonderful treatments and hopeful, happy news but not a single one of them touched on cost, at all.

It all sounds great, looks really freaking sexy on paper too, that is until you find out all the costs. I might as well just say I am infertile because of money!

They had a male speaker come, a father, a husband, to speak about his infertility story. I thought this odd because the men don’t usually speak out, but I was all ears.

He told us his story and it ended with him being the father of a 3 year old daughter with the help of IVF. It was a sad story, all of our stories are sad. Not once did he speak of cost & how he paid for it.

In infertility, not much is a secret, so why is the money talk kept under the blanket? If you know something I don’t, freaking tell me and I will do the same for you.

At the end this man asked if there were any questions. I sat there for a moment, hoping someone else would ask the burning question. No one did.

I raised my hand and asked him how he had afforded 4 IVF cycles. He told me it was a good question, go figure!

His answer was not satisfactory to me and I’m sure others. He simply stated that he is still paying on them. I am assuming that means they took out loans. He did manage to say they had to cut things out of their life, extra stuff.

Thank you for that answer Mr.Man!

There were 4 IVF doctors on the panel and each was giving away IVF cycles at this conference. We were all given a ticket at the beginning, we were to deposit our ticket in the box of the doctor we would like to have do our IVF at the end of the day.

The time came and we chose a doctor and knew our odds were terrible, considering all the people there. Our number was not called, no big surprise there at all.

I will say that it did put a little bit of bitterness back in my mouth and turned the dial from compassion to anger.

This to shall pass…right?

Posted in Money, IVF, Infertility | 2 Comments »

May 7. 2009 by admin.

So sorry it has been so long since I last posted, life has been a little busy and I just have not had much of a desire. Saturday, May 2nd we attended a Infertility Awareness Conference. I will write a separate post on this in the near future.

There were 4 different IF doctors, all local and each was giving away IVF cycles. Of course this was a huge reason for us to go. Aside from that we wanted information as well.

I am not surprised as there were about 300 couples there, we did not “win” any of the IVF cycles. I told myself I would not let it bother me. Guess what, it did bother me. I instantly got bitter and went from being happy for those who did win to not being so happy for them. That made me feel terrible also.

I just feel like it will never happen, the years tick by, hell my age is ticking by and money…what money!

I hate the cost of IVF, I hate the bastards that try to justify the high prices we have to pay. Do you honestly think I give a flying fuck about the lab person and what they have to do and what it is they do costs a lot….NO!

It really did not make for a good rest of the day. I actually wanted to go home & go to bed. Instead & thankfully, we went to a baseball game. I ended up having fun but was still pretty bitter.

It did not help also that I was facing a tooth extraction on Monday which was making me moody also, plus I had just got my period. Yeah, not a good start to a week. What makes this all the more sucky is that hubby seems to not be home, just working.

When he is home, he is tired and it is close to bed time yet again. Not his fault, they are getting ready for a 6 month deployment and this is just the fun of the beginning days till they go. They work them so they are not really home.

Boy do I feel like complaining tonight! At least I feel pretty good considering the tooth extraction on Monday. Life goes on. IF is at a standstill of course, this is why I never have much to blog about aside from complaining from time to time.

I have more stuff to write about, I’m just not always in the mood to write about IF stuff, I am sure some of you can understand that.

In some other news, got a call from my mother this evening, my sister Jacinta will be having her baby soon. How do I feel about this, well a little numb.

Posted in Rant, Money, IVF, Infertility, Family | 1 Comment »

March 24. 2009 by admin.

I hate when you want to act on something, you sometimes are just not able to. Since we found out we can have a baby through IVF, we have not been able to do much and that can get frustrating at times.

I try to be at peace with where we are at this point, but it is hard to be at peace when you know something could be done if only you had the money. I try to live in the moment, sometimes it’s hard.

Hubby is soon going away for a 6 month deployment over sea’s so I KNOW that at this point nothing could be done, even if we had the money, so I really should just let it go for the time being.

I go through spurts, I have actually gone several months not really even thinking about IF or IVF because I knew nothing could be done at that time. The other end of those spurts is where it is on my mind 24/7. You wouldn’t know though because I keep it inside.

I keep it inside because I know right now, nothing can be done.

Posted in Money, IVF, Infertility | 1 Comment »

March 21. 2009 by admin.

This Is How It Is For Now.

I know people want to know where we are exactly right now with our IF, I am working my way there in my story. I wanted to start from the beginning so that I could look back. It has actually been very therapeutic for me to blog and write a post a day. Please stick with me

From year 6 into 7. We got our orders and it was time to move yet again. This time we decided to come to Florida, we really didn’t have many other places to go state side. Florida is closer to my family whom all live in Maine.

So in this past year we got another phone call from my sister stating that she is pregnant, the baby is due around mine & Daniel’s birthdays in May. I took this pregnancy OK, I love my nephew and niece very much, no matter how sad and hurt I might be due to IF.

We are at a stand still I guess you could say with our IF. We need money so that we can do IVF, we don’t have that kind of money on hand right now. So money stands between us and the possibility of our baby. This is where we stand NOW.

I really wish that our insurance would help somehow, but sadly no. If it is deemed medically necessary though, they will “pay” for you to have an abortion! Yes, I think there is something seriously wrong with that.

It is nessisary for us to have “help” to concieve, but no one is around to help us. So I wonder as I read over some other IF blogs how everyone is being able to afford IVF. Am I missing out on something that I should know about? Are there loans being taken out? How does one afford IVF!?!

Any advice would be great, but I know money is a private matter also, so if you don’t want to publicly discuss with me how you have gone about to afford IVF, then please…please e-mail me.Any little bits of information would be great!

Are there any grants anyone knows about? I know I might be sounding a little desperate, but guess what…I am,lol!

Posted in Money, IVF, Infertility | 4 Comments »