May 10. 2009 by admin.

Can infertile people please have a “special” day, where everyone wishes us a happy infertile day! Yes, today I feel like a negative creep in some ways, in other ways it has been a wonderful, happy day!

All day I have been wished a happy mothers day, and I suffer in silence, well I complain about it out loud to hubby, but I still feel like no one else can see or feel my pain, they don’t.

Why is it that EVERYONE seems to think that every woman is a mother? Can you answer me this? Not that I want to go around screaming I am infertile but I honestly hate this day, year after year. Don’t get me wrong, I always celebrate it and make sure to let my mother know how much I love & appreciate her, but I am left out.

I honestly get angry when people know I don’t have children but still wish me a happy mother’s day because I have dogs and treat them like a family member. HELLO!?! Just because I have dogs and to me they are my “kids”, does still NOT make me a mother!

To anyone who reads this that has children, cherish them and never take one minute with them for granted for you are blessed and lucky!

Posted in Rant, Infertility, Fertiles | 2 Comments »

May 7. 2009 by admin.

My sister Jacinta had her baby this morning, mom called early, don’t remember the time. I don’t normally call my sister right away and give congrats, usually later in the day/evening.

I love my sister & am very happy for her, even when I am not my happiest about fertiles. I of course felt I had to post it on Face Book so family far away would know.

One of my cousins said “Congrats Auntie”. I had to think about this, why in the world congradulate me, I had absolutely nothing to do with it. I said thanks to be kind. What do you say to that anyways?

So I don’t know much about the baby right now aside from the facts. The baby is a girl, her name is Madison Ann. I have not seen pictures or know anything else. I’ll find out more later I’m sure.

Why is it so hard to not be sad when a birth of a baby is supposed to be a happy event.

Posted in Infertility, Fertiles, Family | No Comments »

April 24. 2009 by admin.

I have a tiny, minuscule, bit of hope inside of me. We are attending a conference next weekend on IF and they are giving away some IVF cycles. It could be us. Could is the word. Hope is the word.

If nothing else we will get some information. Information is power…right?

I kind of had a blah week outside of my new pup Cecilia, having her makes me very happy & is keeping me busy. However as far as IF goes, I got set off by my mother this week. It was silly I am sure, but it rubbed me the wrong way.

So much so that I wanted to scream, rip through the phone and show some real, raw emotion. I am tired of people saying they understand me, they don’t. I laughed when my mother says she does, how the heck could she, she had 9 of us kids, no problems with her.

Honestly no one in my family that I am biologically related to has had such a problem. There have been a few who had a miscarriage or two and have gone on to have many kids. I would never downplay their miscarriages. They did reach the light at the end of the tunnel though. I have not.

Do you ever feel like you are getting comfortable in your IF ? I do. I think it is because it has been 7 years, you get older, you have your likes & dislikes in life, you settle..get comfortable. I sometimes feel like I am at peace with it, other times I want to rage.

For now I have my 3 pups, they keep me busy & the new one Cecilia is like an infant. Yes, I know she is not. Have I mentioned that we do treat our dogs like our children. I don’t care what you think of me, no I don’t dress them up for fun, sweaters in the winter as they are small dogs.

I feel a bit frustrated, tis the season though…I guess. it is Spring, all new life, lots of fertiles giving birth, so I get a puppy,lol. Speaking of babies, cuz you know the fertiles just don’t talk about them enough, so I do,lol… My sister is due in a couple weeks. Nope, I still have not talked to her oddly enough.

Maybe so much time has passed that talking would be awkward? I don’t know. I try to talk “kids”, I do care about my little family members but you get tired of it. It really gets tiring when the fertiles never ask truley how you are doing.

I don’t care what you do or do not know about me, ask me. ASK ME! No one does though, aside from my mother. I mean give me a freaking break, it has been 7 years. Family has to know something is wrong. Should I expect them to ask me? Or should I be just putting it out there?

I have a puppy ever couple years, not a baby, so people must know. I thought for the longest time that maybe one of my cousins was having trouble having a baby, all I know is she ended up pregnant.

So I wonder, I wonder all the time if people think we are waiting for what the fuck ever reason to have kids. I have never really been a career girl, so I would think people would cross that off the list. Daniel has not been on a deployment in at least 4 years, so him being gone all the time is not a good reason either.

I have to cut this short, Cecilia is awake from her nap & needs to potty & eat.

All I am getting at is I am not an egg, I don’t want people to continue to act like they are walking on egg shells with me. Just ask. This game is old. Years ago they used to ask, many years ago, before we knew anything was wrong. So we answered with “We’re working on it”. I guess we still are huh.

Posted in Rant, Infertility, Fertiles, Family | 2 Comments »

April 17. 2009 by admin.

I have been thinking the last few days..Am I being fair? I mean I go around not liking fertiles much, especially those I have known or still know. I don’t seem to be supportive of them really, maybe on the surface but we bitch about them behind their backs. If we are not really “there” for them how in the world do we expect that they would want to be there for us? Some people do just suck and honestly don’t give a shit about infertiles but I do believe most do, they just don’t know what to say or do, I mean really…what can they say or do that would make me feel better or happy. I can’t think of a dam thing. Maybe I am just a bit cranky today and should end this here. I am not feeling well, I will blame it on that.

Posted in Infertility, Fertiles | 2 Comments »

March 31. 2009 by admin.

Yesterday or the day before I was reading a non IF blog that I usually follow in my reader, then I came upon THIS post and thanked the Lord God that I don’t know her from a hole in the wall! And I would be very ashamed to know her in real life. What do you say to someone like her and the commenter’s! Some pretty CRUEL people. I will not be following her blog anymore as I have decided she is nasty and toxic. I can understand saying smoking while TTC is not the best idea but having a few drinks every now & then! Hubby & I most definitely have over the years, sometimes you need to relax and have fun together as a couple even though you are TTC. Anyways, she turned my stomach and I could not think of anything I could say to her that would be in the least bit respectful, so I I bitched about it to hubby and here I am blogging about it! I guess I should get some balls every once in a while and speak my mind on others blogs!

*Edited To ADD*

The post she wrote was not about me in case anyone wanted to know, it was about someone she used to know, just wanted to clarify that!

Posted in Infertility, Fertiles | 4 Comments »

March 28. 2009 by admin.

Dear little girl, yes..I will call you a little girl…WTF is wrong with you!?!

I had just finished a wonderful day with my hubby and dogs, going to Wal*Mart cause I was hungry, not to see or hear what you said to your small child!

I don’t want to repeate what she said. Inside I cried, on the outside I glared at her and that poor child. Did she have a bad day? Yeah, sure seemed like it but I am sure it was not her child’s fault but she sure tried to make him feel like life would be happy without him.

SHAME on YOU!

Posted in Rant, Fertiles | 2 Comments »